


details

by uvoshals



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24095116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uvoshals/pseuds/uvoshals
Summary: Misery loves company.A oneshot about Nobunaga and Shalnark, and the connection they make over a year after Uvogin’s death.
Relationships: Nobunaga Hazama/Shalnark, Nobunaga had unrequited feelings, Uvogin and Shalnark had an established relationship prior, Uvogin | Ubogin/Shalnark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	details

They weren’t really sure _how_ it all happened, just that it _did_ happen and now they both laid next to each other, breaths evening out and not a word spoken. 

It wasn’t that Nobunaga was necessarily _surprised_ that he just had sex with Shalnark--people act irrationally out of grief; people look for connections in those with similar despair--but there was something so inherently _wrong_ to him about sleeping with his dead best friend’s lover.

But Nobunaga plays along--because they’re lonely, because they haven’t said anything, it's all they know in the moment--it’s an unspoken understanding that neither is brave enough to break just yet.

Nobunaga was taken out of his thoughts by a dimmed white light shining in his peripheral. Shalnark was on his phone now. It bothered him because he wanted to sleep even if he knew he wouldn’t be able to; Shalnark just wanted to take his mind off things, he assumed.

There was a sigh before Shalnark shut off his phone and pressed it against his chest. Nobunaga felt Shalnark’s eyes gazing at him, and before he could think of a response, Shalnark broke the silence between them.

“Well. That probably shouldn’t happen again.”

“Hmph, probably.”

It had been over a year since Uvogin died.

“You know,” Shalnark started again; Nobunaga could tell he was smiling by the sound of his voice, “Uvo probably would’ve found this kind of hilarious.”

Nobunaga let himself smirk if for no other reason than to try and ignore the situation further. “Yeah. He probably would.”

Shalnark shifted to his side to face Nobunaga. “I mean, I wouldn’t’ve done it if he were still here, obviously.”

“ _Obviously._ ”

“But I think wherever he is, he’s looking at us and getting a good laugh at our misery. His best friend and his lover, fucking in some cheap motel.”

Nobunaga crossed his arms. 

Shalnark opened his mouth to speak again, but Nobunaga got the first word in before anything could come out.

“Could we...not talk about him right now?”

Shalnark closed his mouth and fell back against the sheets. 

“Fair enough.”

Shalnark went back to his phone almost automatically. Nobunaga turned over and forced his eyes shut; it was useless to try and sleep now, but he just didn’t want to acknowledge Shalnark anymore.

* * *

The two were tasked with a mission together. Some tip about some mogul in Swaldani City and his apparent fortune that required Nobunaga and Shalnark to have a homebase for a while so they could get their plan together. In this case, a shoddy motel a couple of miles out would have to do as a headquarters for the pair. It was an admittedly minor mission, sure, but they would be joined soon enough by a few others, namely Phinks and Feitan; who were they to say no? While their days were spent gathering intel and taking out anyone in their way, their nights became something else entirely. It became nearly routine for them by the end of the week: their daytime conversation was focused solely on their mission, Shalnark gathering information while Nobunaga did some scouting; by nightfall, they found an odd comfort in the other, casual conversations led to sex which led to the all-too-familiar creeping of regret afterwards. 

Nobunaga didn’t hate Shalnark. But he didn’t like him either.

But now the man he once considered nothing more than a fellow comrade was all at once his solace and uncertainty. He became a force that repulsed and attracted Nobunaga all the same. 

Uvogin once drunkenly told Nobunaga he could drown in Shalnark’s eyes. Nobunaga laughed it off; Uvogin was just drunk and attempting to wax-poetic. But now face-to-face with those eyes--green like lake water and speckled with yellow dead leaves--Nobunaga had realized it in the way Uvogin had not intended. You could drown in those eyes; he would pull you in and your chest would tighten. You would be lost in them, and you wouldn't know how to get out. Those eyes dragged you down deep into the coldest depths, so dark you couldn't see the bubbles of your breath rising to the surface so you knew which way to swim.

A shiver ran down Nobunaga's spine.

You could drown in those eyes; you forget how to breathe.

“Hey, Nobu.”

They were both lying down and staring at the ceiling in silence again one night when Shalnark said his name. 

“What is it?”

“If you could say one last thing to him, what would it be?”

The corners of Nobunaga’s mouth twitched down.

“Didn’t I tell you to not bring him up when we do this?”

“Hey, you only told me to not mention him the other night. It’s been a few days; now shut up and answer the question.”

Nobunaga muttered something and scratched his chest. He could feel Shalnark staring at him, and the longer he waited to answer the more uncomfortable he became. 

“I’m not sure, Shal. You’ve kinda put me on the spot here.”

Shalnark rolled to his side to face him. Shalnark leaned close to Nobunaga, head nearly resting against his shoulder and placed a quasi-unwelcome hand on his chest. Nobunaga returned the gesture by putting his arm around him. He wasn’t sure what else to do.

“You’re easy to read, Nobunaga; you’ve _got_ to know what you’d say to him if given the chance. Haven’t you been rehearsing it in your head, replaying the moment in your mind over and over?” Shalnark drew circles along Nobunaga’s chest with his finger. “You’ve memorized it. It keeps you up.” 

He pauses.

“Tell me what you’d say to him, Nobu. I know you know what you would say.”

And Shalnark was right: Nobunaga _had_ rehearsed it in his head dozens, no, hundreds of times. What he wished he could’ve said now, the things he never got to tell Uvogin. Constantly on repeat somewhere in his mind was the scenario where Uvogin lived. Nobunaga let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He grabbed Shalnark’s circling hand. 

“I guess,” he let his fingers interlock with his companion’s, “the first thing I would say is that I wish he lost that coin toss. Coin tosses only really feel legit if you’re the winner, yeah? I’d tell him that I wish he lost and that he was too stubborn for his own good. That, despite the jabs we’d take at each other, no one would’ve thought any differently of him for not settling the score.”

Nobunaga grimaced. Shalnark could sense his discontent, but he didn’t say a word. “I’d tell him that I miss him. That I miss fighting with him most of all; I miss the way he’d look out for me in battle, even if I always told him I didn’t need him to do so. I’d tell him he was my best friend, and my biggest regret.”

Nobunaga turned his head slightly to look at Shalnark. The latter stayed motionless against him, eyes focused on their hands; Shalnark rubbed his thumb against the back of Nobunaga’s hand. 

“Was that a satisfying enough answer?”

“Yeah.”

Shalnark squirmed his way out of Nobunaga’s grip and turned over back to his side of the bed. He kept his back to Nobunaga for the rest of the night.

Nobunaga was initially angry that Shalnark forced him to spill his guts about Uvogin and didn’t share his piece in return, yet Nobunaga could not bring himself to say anything. In any other situation, he would’ve yelled at Shalnark and demanded he talk to him too, but there was something so unsettling about seeing Shalnark so vulnerable. He was always Shalnark the genius, Shalnark the calculating manipulator, but now confronted with Shalnark the dejected widower, Nobunaga was suddenly lost on how to react at all. He was never the best at comforting others, and a part of him always figured someone like Shalnark didn’t _need_ comforting, but as he stared at his partner’s backside that night, all he could think was that he should be there for him in some way. However, Nobunaga knew it was no use racking his brain all night trying to find the right words to say, so he said nothing at all. 

* * *

Shalnark was always up first. He wasn’t necessarily a morning person, but he was always up at the same time each morning, ready to start the day. His strong work ethic wouldn’t allow him the luxuries of sleeping in, no matter how late he would stay up the night prior.

And it always went like this. Shalnark would get up first, would shower first, would get dressed first, while Nobunaga would get up a little later, usually around when Shalnark finished showering. Nobunaga would make them their cheap motel coffee, if for no other reason than it felt like he was actually doing something while Shalnark got ready for the day. 

It was just part of their routine now. They had their mornings, their mission during the day, and their nights; it was like clockwork, and despite how odd their nights would feel, it seemed as if neither wanted to change their routine.

Shalnark was unusually chipper that morning. He stretched and smiled at a still mostly-asleep Nobunaga before leaning close and telling him, “Good morning!”

Nobunaga let out a small groan before opening his eyes slightly.

“It’s time to start the day!”

“Yeah, I hear you. Go take your shower; I’ll get some breakfast ready.”

It was still dark outside.

Nobunaga shut his eyes again and waited for the sound of Shalnark getting off the bed, but it never came. He opened his eyes again. Shalnark was still sitting next to him, staring off into the space ahead of him, obviously deep in thought.

“Say, Nobu, do you want to join me?”

“What?”

“In the shower.”

Nobunaga shot up, wide awake. His face felt hot. The events of last night were still fresh in his mind. “Excuse me? Why would I want to take a shower with you?”

Shalnark started to laugh. “It’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked, especially this past, what, week and a half? And…” he lowered his eyes slightly, “Well, Uvo and I used to do it a lot. I mean, he wouldn’t shower right away unless I made him. It just became a habit of ours.” 

Shalnark reached out to stroke Nobunaga’s hair. Despite the rush of different emotions he was feeling, Nobunaga didn’t flinch against his touch. “And your hair is so nice, you know that?”

Nobunaga still felt confused by it all, yet he let himself soften against Shalnark’s touch. He calmed down, even if he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be feeling. 

“I...uh…I see.” Nobunaga paused for a moment, his mind still muddled by sleepiness and the situation itself. He sighed, still not entirely sure of how to respond, but his reply came out of his mouth before he even realized it.

“Sure...sure, Shal.”

Shalnark smiled even wider and he clasped his hands together. “Alright! I give great scalp massages, by the way. You’ll love it.”

Nobunaga watched Shalnark as he gleefully left to get the shower ready, quietly remarking to himself that he was still too tired for this.

Shalnark told Nobunaga as soon as they got in that he should just let him do the work. Nobunaga complied, mostly because he wouldn’t know what else Shalnark would want him to do. Admittedly, it did feel nice when Shalnark washed his hair, his thin fingers massaging every part of his scalp. They never said anything once they got started, the only sounds filling the space between them was the water hitting the tiles and their bodies. Even with the low water pressure, Shalnark took extra care making sure all the conditioner was washed out of Nobunaga’s long hair. As Shalnark washed his own hair, Nobunaga helped him scrub it out too, though he knew he probably wasn’t as good at it as Shalnark was. Still, it did make his blonde companion giggle. 

The water slowed to a gentle trickle, and Shalnark put a cold hand against Nobunaga’s cheek. Nobunaga peered down, greeted with contemplative eyes that averted his gaze despite the gesture. Shalnark wrapped his arms around him before muttering a ‘thank you’ in his ear. Nobunaga wasn’t sure for what, and he never asked.

* * *

A few days had passed, and things were going relatively the same. Phinks and Feitan would be joining them by the end of the week, and their small mission would be wrapping up soon. Still, even with the pace the two had been going at, everything about Shalnark was still gnawing at Nobunaga. He knew the guy was always a bit of mystery, and he was near impossible to get a read on, but he hadn’t realized it was to such an extent. 

Night came, and the two were sitting on the motel bed, eating and watching whatever happened to be on the TV. They settled for some medical drama, though Nobunaga was paying more attention to it than Shalnark. The latter was mostly on his phone, occasionally stuffing another fry in his mouth. 

“These things are always so unrealistic, ya know?” Nobunaga piped up, just trying to start a conversation. They’d become so close over the last few weeks, and any silence between them was starting to become unbearable for Nobunaga. 

Without looking up from his phone, Shalnark replied, “Hm? How so?”

“They always hype things up for views; it’s gonna give regular people watching unrealistic expectations for injuries and recovery and all that.”

Shalnark looked up this time, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Yeah, well, they gotta make it engaging for viewers. No one wants to watch a real-time recovery.” His voice pitched up slightly when he jokingly continued, “They need that space for the doctor’s mandatory romances and inevitable betrayals.”

The two laughed in agreement, and Nobunaga felt himself relax a little more. Silences between just him and Shalnark were a different kind of uncomfortable, especially in recent weeks.

“You know, speaking of injuries, do you wanna hear a story about me and Uvo when we were kids?”

Shalnark was caught off guard by Nobunaga’s question. It was the first time in their stint together that Nobunaga had brought up Uvogin first. 

“I would, actually!”

Nobunaga cleared their things off the bed and got more comfortable. Shalnark put his phone on the nightstand and gave his attention to Nobunaga, a smile on his face the whole time. Nobunaga was visibly a little excited to share his story.

“It’s a pretty silly story, admittedly, but I think you’ll still get a kick out of it. It’s probably one he didn’t tell you.” 

Shalnark laughed. “Then I’m definitely all the more eager to hear it!”

“This happened way back in the day when we were kids. I’d reckon we were probably around eight or nine years old, still just fucking around in Meteor City. You know how it is. So, being the rowdy kids we were, we decided to have a contest climbing a particularly tall pile of junk; Uvo’s idea. So everything’s going well, and Uvo’s ahead of me, of course--but then I slip and fall.”

Shalnark playfully gasped, grinning as he exclaimed, “Oh no!”

Nobunaga smiles at Shalnark’s interest. “So I fell God knows how many feet to the ground, and I ended up breaking my arm. I’m wincing in pain, obviously, but Uvo is absolutely _bawling_. He was just crying his little eyes out,” Nobunaga began mocking a young Uvo’s voice, “‘Nobunaga, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen! I didn’t mean for you to get hurt!’”

They both started laughing. 

“He ended up carrying me to some of the older ladies in the city, and they helped get me fixed up. But you could’ve sworn by the way Uvo was reacting that he was the one injured. I spent a while in makeshift cast, but I healed just fine. Uvo never left my side the whole time.”

“He never told me that, but it does sound like him. Uvo was definitely someone who cared too much; your pain was his.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Nobunaga stretched out on the bed, resting his head against the headboard. “And, I mean, I got him to do basically whatever I wanted for a few weeks.” He scratched his chin in thought sarcastically. “Don’t know if I ever got that sort of power over him again.” He smirked at Shalnark.

“Well,” Shalnark laid back to mirror Nobunaga, “I can see why he didn’t mention that story to me. But thanks for sharing it anyway. Stories like that are all we have left, huh?”

Nobunaga looked down, feeling the mood shift. “Yeah, maybe so.”

The two just stared at the TV, still playing its cheesy medical drama. Neither were paying attention, but they let the sounds of dramatic overacting fill the air. 

A few minutes had passed, and Shalnark had grabbed the remote to turn it down. Nobunaga didn’t protest. 

A beat. 

“Nobu.”

Nobunaga didn’t react or look at him, but he heard Shalnark all the same.

“Did you ever hate me? Did you ever feel like I stole him from you?”

Nobunaga can’t help but cackle at the question. “Hate you? Absolutely not. Were you my favorite person? Far from it.”

Shalnark gave a knowing smile, eyes still averted.

Nobunaga continued, “But no, I never hated you. Was there a small part of me that was admittedly a little jealous?” He paused. “Yeah.”

Nobunaga swallowed. “But you made Uvo so happy--I could never hate you for that. He told me all the time. He loved you so much.”

Shalnark let himself fall against Nobunaga’s shoulder, and Nobunaga leaned his head onto Shalnark in response. Shalnark smiled softly, “I know. And he loved you, too. You meant just as much to him, even if you didn’t think so in the moment.”

“I know.”

* * *

It was their second to last night together. Soon, Nobunaga and Shalnark would team up with Phinks and Feitan, and the four of them would complete their mission. Their nights together would soon enough just be another faded memory. 

A nearby sign outside was the only thing that illuminated their room, its pink neon spilling onto their bed. Even in the minimal light, Nobunaga could still see the outline of Shalnark, staring at the ceiling sleeplessly.

“Shalnark.”

“Hm?”

Nobunaga paused to choose his words carefully.

“You never told me what you’d say to Uvo. A while back you mentioned something about it ‘keeping me up,’ and I can only assume you were referring to yourself as well.”

Shalnark let out a breathy laugh in response and rubbed his neck. He sighed, feeling a little defeated by Nobunaga’s inquiry. “I guess I should’ve seen this question coming, huh?”

Shalnark stretched a little and sat up, looking down at Nobunaga. 

“Well, my initial reaction would be to smack him upside the head.”

Nobunaga snickered at his comment and sat up himself.

Shalnark continued, “But, uh, I guess I would want to say that I was sorry for not going with him, not that it would do much good now.” His voice suddenly hitched. His eyes narrowed.

Nobunaga was instantly more aware of how Shalnark looked. His eyes were still absently focused on the bed sheets, and his palms were in fists, gripping the duvet. Nobunaga’s heartbeat began to quicken the slightest bit.

“I’d tell him that I replay our last time together in my head constantly; that the way he smiled at me was so different from how he smiled at everyone else, and how it haunts me now. I’d tell him he’s an idiot for making me care for once, and how he knows relationships like ours are useless in our line of work, and I’m no use to anyone if I’m suddenly worrying over someone else’s wellbeing.”

“Shal.”

“That I regret not saying anything else to stop him. That I fucking hated it when the last thing I ever said to him was ‘don’t get careless.’ I knew he wanted an ‘I love you’ or something out of me even if he knew he wasn’t going to get one, especially with Franklin around. I mean, who does that? He knew how I felt about PDA, especially in the middle of a mission.”

“Shalnark.”

“I miss the way he would hold me and kiss me when we were alone. I miss the way he would hold my face in his hands, how he would carry me and hug me. I would tell him I hated him for making me care so fucking much. How it terrified me how much I cared about him, but I pushed it down for my and the Spider’s sake. But that, despite it all, I loved him so much. I loved Uvo so--”

“SHALNARK.”

Shalnark looked up and straight at Nobunaga, his eyes overwhelmed and defeated and

_crying._

They just stared at each other in a painful silence, the tears falling freely from Shalnark’s eyes.

The eyes you could once drown in, now broken and overflowing. 

Unsure of how to proceed, Nobunaga did what he assumed was the natural reaction: he grabbed Shalnark into a hug. And Shalnark hugged back.

They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other with the occasional muffled sob being the only sound heard.

He’d never seen Shalnark cry before, and he was sure he never wanted to see it again.

* * *

Daybreak. Tomorrow evening they were going to meet with Phinks and Feitan, complete their mission, and go on their way. They hadn’t said anything to each other since last night, and while the tension was palpable, both came to the same conclusion to not mention anything that had happened. They went back to their routine instead; Shalnark got ready first, Nobunaga got their coffee and breakfast ready, and they went ahead finalizing their intel. 

It was nice; they went back to the sense of weird normalcy they had felt during their time together. It was almost as if they hadn’t spent the last few weeks sleeping together and divulging their deepest thoughts and feelings. _Almost._

It was only afterwards, when Shalnark was packing some of his things up and while Nobunaga flipped through some magazine in the room that the first bit of casual conversation came up at all.

“Hm, do you think Phinks and Fei had an as... _interesting_ few weeks as we did?”

Nobunaga chuckled, “Hard to tell with those two. I feel like any time spent with them is bound to be interesting in some way.”

Shalnark smiled--a small but genuine one this time--before agreeing, “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

There was a beat before Nobunaga stopped looking at the magazine and got up. He walked over to Shalnark and began helping him pack his things up.

“Shal, listen, I--” He rubbed the back of his neck, completely at a loss of where to start. “I dunno. I know we’ve never been on the best of terms, but I guess I just want to say that...I appreciate you.”

Shalnark gave him an odd smile and began laughing. “Where’s this coming from? Why are you getting so sentimental on me? Nobunaga, you’re such a softie, really!”

“Shut up! I’m trying to be serious here.” He blushed, and Shalnark just kept laughing. 

Nobunaga stifled Shalnark’s laughter by pulling him into a tight hug. Using their slight height difference to his advantage, Nobunaga was able to keep Shalnark in the embrace. He whispered into his ear, “I’m sorry. But I guess...thank you for opening up to me at all.” 

They both pulled away from each other, and Shalnark stared at Nobunaga for a second before planting a kiss on his cheek. Shalnark smiled.

“Nobunaga Hazama, you’re gonna miss me so bad when I’m gone.”

Shalnark went back to his packing. Nobunaga was delayed in his response, still reeling from the kiss.

“Wait, what do you mean? How could you possibly know that you’ll die before I do?”

Shalnark didn’t even look up as he replied, still smiling that all-knowing smile, “Call it intuition. Just a hunch of mine.”

“You aren’t Machi, you know.”

“Maybe not. But I like to think I’m right in this instance.” 

Nobunaga frowned, but accepted that he wasn’t going to get any more of an explanation or answer out of Shalnark. He sighed, and started helping him pack once more.

Nobunaga knew things between him and Shalnark were different now, perhaps even permanently so. Change was never easy, and at times was difficult to grasp; people will always seek those wallowing in similar pain, but from that comes a sense of healing. And for the first time in a long time, Nobunaga felt alright.

**Author's Note:**

> love these guys


End file.
